As the day draws nearer, and I busy myself with nesting and preparing myself physically, mentally and spiritually, I find myself wanting to share the wonderful knowledge I have learned about Natural Birthing – and talk about how and why we have become so distanced from it.
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Being an older first time mum at 42 I have come up against all kind of negativity and scary stories in the course of this pregnancy. I was made to believe in the first few months that I was in huge danger of having a disabled child or difficult birth. As if pregnancy doesn’t make you worry and paranoid enough!
I have kept reminding myself…”we have been having babies for hundreds of thousands of years”!! It is what we are designed to do! 95% of pregnancies are normal and could be delivered in a normal and unhindered way. Why have things changed?
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What has happened to this country? And not just our country. The rate of assisted deliveries and unnecessary intervention, especially in the West, in something as natural as having a baby, is astronomical. Are we really too ‘posh to push’ or just so scared of pain and danger that this amazing rite of passage for women is being coercively taken out of our hands? Apart from the baby itself, what spiritual reward do we get from all that hard work?
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My partner and I have been surrounding ourselves with positive people with positive birth stories and educating ourselves on natural childbirth, labour without pain, self belief and self-hypnosis practices. All this so that I can have the natural, drug free and pain-free water birth at home, with my partner delivering the baby. The reason we moved to the area we are in now is because it has the best stats and attitude to natural birthing. My eyes have been truly opened and I am actually excited about the birth now! Did you know it is actually possible to have a truly ecstatic birth and even orgasm during labour and birth?
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Tell that to the expecting and labouring mums so terrified of pain that they accept what ever relief is offered to them! If only the education and time to deliver it was out there for all us expecting mums. Things would be different. We would be the ones in control and intervention would be as it is supposed to be – there IF we need it!
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I want a quiet birth, at home, in a darkened room with candles. My partner will be in the pool with me if that’s what we desire. I want to eat and drink when necessary and labour for as long as nature intends. Birthing can be a beautiful, primal, exhilarating experience if you can drop the fear. Contractions don’t have to be ‘painful’. They could just be sensations in the body if you re-train your mind…intense yes, bloody hard work yes, the hardest work you are ever likely to do, but not the worst, most fearful and dangerous experience you ever have to ‘suffer’.
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Am I being naive? Maybe I am. But there is something in the core of my very being that tells me I am on the right path.
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Amongst other things, I will definitely be keeping the placenta. I plan to eat it. Eating the placenta is not very popular but it has lots of health benefits. Almost all animals do it. What makes me so different? The only difference being I will be cooking it up with caramelised onions and red wine, amongst other things, lol. If you give birth in the hospital, I don’t think they allow you to keep it. One birthing centre I spoke to would allow me to take it as long as I signed a disclaimer stating that if I were to bury any part of it, it would be six feet deep in the ground. It is vegetarian friendly too… it is the only meat you can eat that hasn’t been killed first!
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I will be making a blog on it anyway and discussing all aspects of Natural Childbirth including my Birth Story! At the moment I am just putting thoughts down and will expand this blog as and when.
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For now let me pass on some links and books my partner and I have just read together – will update list as and when!
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NATURAL BIRTH BIBLIOGRAPHY…
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Ina May’s guide to Childbirth – by Ina May Gaskin – The first part of the book has some amazing and uplifting birth stories. An excellent and empowering book. She is the author of “Spiritual Midwifery” and has attended thousands of births. She lives on the “Farm” in Tennessee.
Birth Space, Safe Place – by Adela Stockton – Nicely written, with emphasis on emotions and empowering the reader rather than facts and figures.
Birth Reborn – What Childbirth Should Be – by Michel Odent – The French ‘birth guru’ with over 40 years experience in birthing – the founder of Pithiviers Hospital in France.
Childbirth without Fear – by Grantly Dick-Read – quite an academic read, but well worth the effort.
New Active Birth – by Janet Balaskas – she goes on a bit about the importance of gravity ( we kinda ‘got it’ pretty early on) but a very positive book.
Orgasmic Birth – The best kept secret (you can download or buy this DVD)
The Business of Being Born (2008) (you can download or buy this DVD)
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Children are from Heaven – John Grey – putting aside the ‘heaven’ bit, a very good book on how to raise strong, confident children.
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OTHER RELATED BLOGS I WROTE…
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My “Experimental Adventures Making Beautiful Things From Placenta” was started at NOMADIC VILLAGE 2012, and continues to happen so long as there are bits of placenta left.
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”PREOCCUPIED with PLACENTAS”
12 Experimental Adventures Making Beautiful Things from Placenta
… and counting!
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”Even before I became pregnant, I knew that I would do something special with it”
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If you want to read more about making beautiful things from placenta and the placenta rawhide please feel free to view my other blogs…
To date I have done the following…
- PLACENTA PRINTING using the blood still inside the bag
- Painted SHEELA-NA-GIG images with placenta blood and black food colouring
- SHEELA-NA-GIG lino prints using placenta blood and black food colouring – also made ‘Thank You’ cards with the lino cut for my “Blessing Way Sisters”
- Made PLACENTA RAWHIDE from the Amniotic Sac
- Made the artistic piece “A WOMB WITH A VIEW”
- Cooked the rest – PLACENTA BOURGUIGNON!
- Had a lively discussion about eating placenta and cannibalism – “Be careful! I know you taste delicious!”
- Made PLACENTA SKIN BABY BOOTIES
- Made PLACENTA SKIN “FUNKY-BABY” DISCO BOOTIES
- SOCK MONKEY with dried placenta in the stuffing – “FERTILITY COSMIC CONFIRMATION FETISH”
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….. as long as there are bits left, I will keeping adding to this list! ‘Follow’ my blog-site and watch this space! I will keep updating as I go along!
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Alison Brierley 
I’ve actually found the same Ali – I may only be 13 weeks gone (just had my first scan…*squee*), but already, I’ve been told that I’m crazy to want a non medical birth, that I’m putting my child at risk, that I’ll regret it because of the pain, and, when I admitted to owning a TENS machine that helped with my M.E. at its worst, I was told it would be useless and nothing beats an epidural.
Mind you, I’ve also had a couple of askance looks for refusing the screening tests for disabilities. My personal belief is that if I give birth to a special needs child, then that’s what was meant to happen. I used to work with them, why wouldn’t I be happy to raise one?!
Exactly when did it become more abnormal to have a natural birth than one dictated over by the local Hospital?
You’re braver than me as far as the placenta goes though, lol.
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Hey gorgeous!!
I totally get what you say. I was so fearful and anxious in the beginning because of the opinions of doctors and hospitals. Of course, it is their JOB to always err on the side of caution – if they don’t, they get sued! I was shocked to find out that very few obstetricians in the West have EVER witnessed a natural birth – it just isn’t what they are trained to experience!
It is also a shame that most women feel that they can’t talk about their natural and ecstatic births. This is often because they don’t want other mums, who had unnecessary interventions, thinking that they didn’t do it right. I really want to believe that we all do what is right for us with the level of awareness, knowledge and experience that we have at our disposal at the time. But I think so much can be done to educate would-be-mums (and health professionals) so that we can be empowered by our birth experience, whatever happens in the end.
Do your research sweetie. Surround yourself in positive stories. Have back up plans by all means (I know I have them just in case), then go with your gut! Best to be mindful that the gut reaction isn’t actually fear! Be aware of how people word their stories and experiences. It will be second nature to not take them on board when you know in your heart that it doesn’t have to be like that.
REMEMBER – “FEAR = TENSION = PAIN!!”.
Do not watch that drivel ‘One Born Every Minute’! I watched an episode yesterday because people keep asking me if I’ve seen it. It was the antithesis of natural birthing! I spent the whole programme shouting at the laptop! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! On a couple of occasions I noticed, on a board at the end of the corridor in certain shots, a sign suggesting that ‘ACTIVE BIRTHING’ was supported on the ward!! Not once did it show these poor girls get off their backs and beds! It was awful to watch! What kind of a slant on birthing are we giving millions of viewers (including all the children watching that really shouldn’t be watching this shite!)? Lol. Really, I ask ya!
I totally support you in your decision not to have the tests. I did however have the first screening test. Being a 42 year old first timer the medical profession said that the risk of Downs was 1 in 50! It was all doom and gloom. I was terrified! Where was the joy? I had a test done privately because they screened for more markers and you got the results on the spot. It turned out that I had a 1 in 15,000 chance! It put my mind at rest because the day after I flew to the States for two months. I would have been missing out on further appointments anyway and I did not want to have an amniocentesis test, or fly back for a termination if they had found something ‘really’ awful. This was my choice of course, and I respect everyone else’s too. Do what you feel is right for you and your circumstances.
If you need some positive people around you, I am more than happy to be your ‘bump-buddy’- if you would have me!
Big love Ellie xxx
Ali
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I admire you so much for this Ali and I think you’re right, if there was more education for women other than the twaddle you get told in antenatal classes (I also got the “take every drug going” schpeil) then the fear of labour and childbirth could be lessened, even eradicated!
We had a scare at the start of my pregnancy that our baby was Downs due to the nuchal fold being thicker than their statistics liked it to be and after a very invasive and traumatic CVS that I was forced to have – I was given NO option whatsoever and it took 6 midwives to hold me down – I was then told that if the test came back positive my termination would be booked automatically! No option there again. When I said “well if baby’s disabled we’ll deal with it as that’s the hand we’ve been given” I was lectured about not being responsible. My feelings weren’t taken into consideration at all – only the thought of a disabled child bleeding NHS funds from a system that was already under strain.
The birth itself wasn’t as painful as everyone had told me it would be; yes it hurt but all I had in my mind was each contraction brought my baby closer and the excitement took over the worry. As soon as baby is out the pain instantly disappears. I was told a first labour would be 18-24hrs probably longer. Mine lasted 6 😀 it would have been 90 minutes had I not needed antibiotics to protect my little one from the strep b virus we found I was carrying and that was the hardest part for me, trying not to push for 5hrs! You can’t help it though – your body automatically pushes baby out with each contraction whether your conscious or not – but as soon as they said “now you can push” my little girl came into the world 5 minutes later! She’s now 5 days away from her 1st Birthday and she’s healthy, happy and more amazing than I ever imagined.
I did the delivery with gas and air and I did need an epidural AFTER my daughter was born due to the placenta not budging afterwards so off to theatre I went (extremely annoyed I might add lol) but I did ask if it was possible to take the placenta home and was told I could but after it came away piece by piece in theatre it had been butchered to within an inch of its life and I didn’t want it in that state.
Best of luck to you guys with your delivery – I hope its as magical and memorable as you both want it to be and can’t wait to see Norket in the flesh! If there is anything I can help with (a bit off topic I know but I’m now a breastfeeding counsellor so if you need help give me a shout) just holler 🙂 xxx
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OMG Jane!! That must have been so awful!! I can’t believe (well, I guess I can) that they did and said that to you! How wrong can they get it?
I am soooo glad after all that trauma you got such a beautiful, sweet amazing little girl. We have lots to discuss around the next camp fire me-thinks, lol.
If you want, we could plant a tree together on top of a bit of my placenta for both our babies? … a sort of spiritual surrogate placenta for Evie? I am sure Peter will let us do that up at Limetree.
I will remember not to eat it all… lol.
Big love dear Sister xxxxxxx
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Oh that’s really sweet of you Ali but this one is all you and Norket 😀 The path of Maiden to Mother whatever your physical age is one to be cherished and the journey of parenthood that begins at the birth is incredible. Holding your newborn for that very first time is just about as close to Source as you could physically be I think! And every part – from the waters to the baby to the placenta to the mothers milk is all something that is personal and sacred and no one else on Earth will ever share that bond 🙂 Your baby is the only person that has heard your heart beat from the inside. You’ve shared your lifes blood, you’ve shared emotions and you’ve sheltered and nurtured them. Its humbling and that’s only the beginning 🙂 xxx
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Coooooo…. that melted my heart and brought a tear to my eye! Thank you beautiful lady. xxx
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Hi Ali,very interested in your thoughts. I had a lovely birth with Evie, I did go to the hospital and regret not being at home but only a little. My contractions started at 9pm the hospital told me to stay at home as long as I could, stuck the Tens machine on which I found brilliant popped on some music and spent the next four hours relaxing and trying to get hold of Al as he was at Fire and couldn’t hear his phone! When he finally got home went to the hospital at about 1am already pretty far on spent a few hours in the pool and then got out, I said I would have some pain relief if it got to much, I remember saying I’ll have some now and the midwife saying you won’t need them that was the head at 4am. I didn’t have any tearing or cuts (did perineal massage before it really helps not just with stretching but in getting you used to the sensations down below when everything is expanding and swelling,which I think helps you with pushing and not pushing).
I was very disappointed to find out that after a bath I was expected to go and have a lie down and a sleep,I felt the most awake and alive I have ever felt in my whole life and did not need a rest. Al apparently did so he went for a few hours kip then came to get me. Managed to fit in a quick visit to the ward I worked on and then home.
I wish I had managed to have more babies but sadly this was not to be so I just have the one story for you. I hope you have the amazing, wonderful experience you both desire
Lots of Love Jules
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Thank you soooo much for your lovely birth story Jules, I think it is so important for us women to talk about them, especially the positive ones. I think too many mothers who have a good experience are afraid to talk about them for fear of making other mums feel that they didn’t do it right, or failed on some way.
This isn’t true of course… we all do our best, with what we have and know at the time. We are easily coerced when we are at our most vulnerable. Knowledge is power, and having the abilty to accept our limitations and act on them, whenever they arise, still allows us to keep that power.
Thanks again dear lady for your best wishes.
Big love always. Ali xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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