“Healing The Temple Door”

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angels surrender

“Angels Surrender” – 2007 (Acrylic on Canvas)

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“GOD!  I need a FUCK!”

After over 20 years of gynaecological issues, and all the ‘head crap’ that goes with it, I was cured!!  Well, almost, lol.  The medical profession can only take healing so far, the rest has to come from within.

True healing of my heart, mind and yoni began five years ago when I met my latest long term partner.  Luckily, he was well versed in the teachings of David Deida, and knew exactly how to assist me on my journey to “Healing My Temple Door”.

I want to continue my journey of self awareness and realisation publicly to include other women who have experienced similar and who want to heal themselves, their yoni and to help other women do the same.  So many women suffer from the result of sexual trauma and low self esteem relating to sexual health.  It can take years to trust men again, and ourselves for that matter.

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This poem I wrote for myself in 2007, and it had been locked away on my computer since sharing it with my partner soon after we first met – until today that is!!  Oooooo, I feel very brave and ‘Goddess’y today, lol.

It started as conversation between a few girlfriends on FB just a few hours ago.  We were discussing feelings of ‘bitchy’ and  “GGRRRRrrrrrrrr”.

I jokingly reached the conclusion that what my  friend needed was a “GOOD HARD SHAG” lol.  HELL, we all need one every now and again!  My excuse for feeling frustrated is that my wonderful partner and I just can’t seem to find the time and energy since our baby was born!  How many of you mothers out there experience that?  lol.

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Anyway, after nearly 20 frustrating years feeling pain and discomfort making love and wanting to please my previous partners in bed simply because I loved them (and more subconsciously because I afraid to ‘lose’ them) I was ‘fixed’ enough to feel confident and powerful about my budding and belated sexuality!  So I wrote this, with love, to myself – and now I just shared it on FB with my girlfriends – and now with you…  enjoy!

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“LIBIDO”

“Healing The Temple Door”- aka – “God I Need a Fuck!”

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AAAAAARRRRGGGGG!!!!

GOD! Sometimes I just want to be FUCKED!

Not a gentle slow ‘making-love’ thing

A good, hard, fast and furious FUCK!

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Right now I don’t want to be a ‘Sweet little thing’!

Right now I don’t want to second guess every god damn thing

Right now I don’t want worry about what other people think

I just want to be FUCKED!

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I don’t want to worry about any pain

I don’t CARE about the years spent in vain

I ‘WANT’ to walk like John Wayne

GOD!  I WANT TO BE FUCKED!

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I want the ache to subside

I want the YOOOOOWWWL

To be a sigh

I don’t want to have to question WHY

I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKED!!!!

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I want to be picked up and tossed around

I WANT pinning to the ground

I want to be held up against the wall

Where gravity will grant me all

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I want to be spanked and bitten

I want my hair pulling

I want to be massaged hard

I want to be penetrated hard

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AAARRRGGGHHH!  I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKED!

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I want to scream and bite

I want to feel release all night

I want to be submissive, AND I want to fight

When this animal in me takes over!

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I don’t want a boy, I want a MAN

One not afraid to practice all he knows

A confident lover, but not a brutal one

One with a higher mind, and an even higher tongue!

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I could easy pick up the phone

There are many men I know

who would LOVE to give this bitch-in-heat a bone

But I do not want to reap what I have sown

So I choose to RESIST

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I have a bag of toys to help me out

When I want to yowl and scream and shout

But on your own you have control

When really what I want is NONE!!

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For the first time in my life I want it BIG!!

I want it kinky

I want it weird

I want it twisted and feared

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GOD! I WANT TO BE FUCKED!

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But I have been conditioned to

RESIST RESIST RESIST

For many years these feelings of passion I have missed

Through crap health, pain and fear

I’ve wish this ‘sex thing’ to disappear

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But now, WAYHAY, I have this urge

To scratch this itch like never before

I want pinning to my studio floor

And surrender myself to

MORE! MORE! MORE!

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After all these years everything WORKS!

I have a god damn libido ‘down there’ AND ‘up here’

There is little pain, and little fear

And by now I’ve made myself pretty clear…..

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AAARRRGGGGGHHH!…….I JUST NEED A GOOD HARD FUCK!!!!

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